John Martin & Sir Evan's Epic Adventure in the St. Mary's Wilderness

July, 2008

It is our first foray into wild territory. Armed only with a map and our wits about us, John Martin and I venture into St. Mary's Wilderness, a congested, rugged landscape without trail blazes or signs to lead the way. It is an intersection of narrow, barely recognizable trails, concealed behind lush vegetation, all of them insurmountably leading to the St. Mary's River Gorge below. It is Virginia's largest wilderness area, and it is begging to be explored!

We enter the wilderness.

On a humid day like this one, we are careful to stay hydrated, frequently drinking from our Nalgenes, occasionally nibbling on electrolyte fruit snacks. Our trekking poles scoop overgrown branches away from the path, but the ensuing whiplash strikes at our legs, and they are soon scratched and irritated.

We are here partly because John is convinced our friendship lacks credibility. "I wish we could be friends," he says, a typical statement I've come accustomed to hearing from him. I respond, as usual, "We are friends, John." But he insists we are not, and that we must embark on a quest together in order to make it so. This is what brings us to the wilderness.

We hike along the Mine Bank Creek Trail (at least we think so), stopping along the way to take a plunge in an inviting swimming hole. Later, we reach the Gorge and realize we shouldn't have stopped. The river is far more inviting. We're already wet, so we take another swim in a massive pool down river. There, we encounter a baby copperhead. I nearly step on it and barefoot! John also freaks out about a giant spider, and we are certain it's a Brown Recluse, but we are surely wrong, and it isn't even poisonous. So we carry on! But then disaster nearly strikes when I have a run in with a full-blown anaconda!

True story? You decide. If you look closely, you just might see it...

From here, our journey takes us along the St. Mary's River Trail. We cannot resist the temptation to veer off the trail, however, and explore the river bed. It is both scenic and refreshing, and as we reach a particular swimming hole and water fall, I realize I have been to this place before! Years ago as a Boy Scout. I am very excited! John doesn't care. He is too busy jumping off ledges and trying to splash me from far away.

After an afternoon of exploring and swimming, we must begin the arduous hike back to civilization. The heat dries our clothes as we traverse the rocky trail, making excellent time, thanks to our trekking poles and hunger. By the time we return to the cars, our lower halves are caked in mud, but we don't care. We had a blast, and our friendship is credible, once more!

Of course, John will continue to deny it for some time afterword, and we will probably have to engage in other legendary acts of derring do to prove yet again that we are, in fact, friends. But hey, if that's what gets us out there, then keep it up, John! We are not friends...